IN THE U.S.?!!!

Note: This article was done prior to the fall of the Iraqi Regime.The Iraqi Information Ministry released evidence that Saddam Hussein was not only alive, but in the U.S.! Stunning the world with this news the Iraqi Minister of Information said that Saddam was not dead nor was he even injured in the U.S. lead coalition attack in Iraq. In fact that Saddam was on a covert mission and had actually shot President Bush!! "The U.S. does not want to admit that their President has been shot. Saddam had enough of Bush and challenged him to a gun fight and won. Knowing that the cowboy Bush could not turn down the challenge, he called Bush at high noon for a gunfight. Saddam was so quick on the draw that Bush never saw what hit him!", claimed the Iraqi minister. The photo evidence that the Iraqis provided was questioned that it looked suspiciously like the photo of Lee Harvey Oswald's assassination by Jack Ruby. When asked why the photo looked like it had been altered the Iraqi minister replied "Shut up! That's why!".

Above left: photo of Saddam Hussein outdrawing President Bush with Tom Ridge looking on in surprise. Photo looks suspiciously like the Lee Harvey Oswald assassination photo, though denied by the Iraqi Information Minister

Above right: Original photo of Lee Harvey Oswald assassination by Jack Ruby.

We questioned why President Bush seemed unharmed in recent images. The Iraqi minister said that Saddam had only winged him to teach him a lesson and show him that he could move about anywhere anytime, just like those U.S. tanks in Baghdad. When reminded that he had mentioned that there were no troops in Baghdad and how could he explain the contradiction he replied, "Shut up! That's how!"

The Iraqi minister said that no troops were near Baghdad and those that were, were repelled by Iraq's new secret weapon. The weapon was revealed to be Iraq's new "Saddam Dolphin Martyrs Brigade". Iraq's dolphins are much braver than the U.S. dolphins that are not here by the way. Our dolphins do not need water as the weak U.S. dolphins do. Neither do they eat fish. When asked how the dolphins survived without water or fish the minister replied "Shut up! That's how!" The Iraqi minister said that the dolphins were used to repel the U.S. invaders and had destroyed 50,000 enemy and 5000 tanks. When asked how that could be if no U.S. troops were in Baghdad the minister replied "Shut up! That' how!" The minister went on to say that the report of U.S. troops occupying his Presidential Palace was false. "The U.S. troops were no where near the palace and those that were, were destroyed by the dolphins. When asked how that could be if there were no troops the minister replied "Shut up! That's how!"

Above: Saddam seen resting with his "Dolphin Martyrs" lashed to the front of the Presidential Palace

The minister went on to explain that U.S. troops had not even left their bases in the U.S. and were afraid to land in Iraq and those that did were destroyed, millions of them, with chemical and biological weapons. When asked how that was possible since Iraq claimed not have any weapons of mass destruction the Iraqi minister replied "Shut up! That's how!" He also claimed that millions of Iraqis had attacked the U.S. forces with everything they had and that the U.S. soldiers ran when the Iraqis made mean faces. As the Iraqi minister was about to be questioned as to how that could be possible he cut us off with "Shut up! That's how!"

As always, intel is forthcoming, until then,

"Stay Alert, Stay Vigilant"


1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 Beaver County Militia